Signs of Violence in a Relationship

Written by Lipika B. Nabajya

Edited by Himanshi Shivani

Does your relationship status bother you often? Are you noticing strange behaviors or behavioral changes in your partner? Are you constantly bothered whether your partner loves you or not? Do you constantly feel threatened by your partner and your strange relationship?

If a relationship hurts or scares you, you might be unknowingly catering to an abusive relationship.

A good relationship is one that makes both partners feel good about themselves and about each other and about everything around them.

Abuse Defined | The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Domestic violence or let's just say violence is a behavior that occurs between two people when a relationship is based solely on power and control. The abuse can be of the following types:

1. Physical

2. Verbal

3. Emotional

4. Sexual

Often, one form of abuse is followed by the other. They may not be very obvious, in the beginning, but help the abuser to firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship. Such forms of abuse occur in every race, class, amongst illiterate or literate, irrespective of their class or status.

Following are some of the behaviors pattern of the abusers:

1. Extreme Jealousness

Jealousy is often considered normal in love. Swami Vivekanand was once asked, "What is poison?" to which he replied, "Anything in excess is poison" and jealousy is just one of those emotions. It arises out of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will mention that it is a sign of love. The abuser forcefully questions the victim about who they talk to, will accuse them of flirting or be jealous of precious time spent with their friends, family, or children. Sharing the victim with anyone greatly annoys them.

2. Controlling Behavior and Gaslighting

One partner completely rules the relationship and makes all the major and minor decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim all the time, timing a victim for no reason when they leave the house, strange behavior like checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go or to whom they meet, etc. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, email, or browser history. The abuser mostly tries to control the victim financially. Abusers often manipulate the victims into believing the wrong things about themselves and guilt-tripping them. The victims' self-esteem and confidence start to decrease gradually over time.

3. Instant Involvement into Commitments

The abuser always pressurizes the victim for a commitment and claims “love at first sight” or “you're the only person I would ever talk to,” or “I've never met anyone like you before in my life.” Often, at the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is extremely charming and romantic and the love is extremely intense.

4. Grand Expectations and Demands

The Abuser will not only expect their partner to meet all their needs, but also demand them to be perfectionists.

5. Abandonment and Isolation of the Victim

The abuser tries to cut off the victim from friends and family and any other social circle by putting down everyone the victim knows or has come across, including their family and friends.

6. The Blame Game

The abuser never takes responsibility for their problems. It is always the victim's fault.

7. Hypersensitivity and Temper Tantrums

Display of anger issues. An abuser gets easily insulted and takes everything personally. Often the abuser blows things out of proportion.

8. Arrogance towards Children, Animals, or the Weak

The abuser may punish animals brutally and be insensitive towards their pain. They may have unfair expectations from children or continue to tease them until they cry.

9. Forceful Sex

They may ask the victim to do things against their will.

10. Verbally Abusive Behavior

The abuser uses cruel and harmful things to address to their victim, degrades them, calls them names, or puts down their accomplishments and achievements. The abuser makes their victims believe that they are weak, and will never be able to function independently. Social embarrassment is often a common tactic.

11. Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde Symptoms

Remarkable mood swings. However, exceptions exist in the case of females and should not be confused with PMS - pre-menstruation symptoms. One minute the abuser can be charming and sweet and the very next minute they become angry and explosive. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical symptoms of people who beat their partners.

12. Battering and Punishing the Victim

The abuser has a history of battering of partners. The abuser will beat any partner they are with if the person continues to choose them and stay with them long enough for the violence to set in. Violence often includes holding the victim down, restraining them from leaving, pushing, shoving, or holding them against a wall. Breaking treasured possessions, throwing or breaking objects mostly done to terrorize the victim into submission and surrender. This is often done to punish the victim. Threats of violence like any threat or physical actions are meant to control the victim.

Signs and symptoms may differ with each abuser. If your partner is showing all or any of these signs, then I'm sorry to say but you're in an abusive relationship that you need to get out of immediately. Contact your family or friends, and the local authorities.